After the several weeks, and exchange of messages between Sybella and Kinght ChooseWell, she had finally found a balance from the emotional impact of it all. She had finally settled down and was starting to think more clearly. She had finally found peace with the idea that forever would not be too long to wait if there would ever be a day where she and he were free to love each other again.
Sybella, had made good use of the waining moon, had let go of the barrage of mixed feelings that had built during the waxing moon. She was feeling more herself and a peace with the fact that her love for ChooseWell would need to remain on the page of the messages they exchanged. And, satisfied that without the full right to love each other the messages would be enough for her.
Her feet were solid on the ground. Her thinking less up and down. Her attention returned to the details of the Now. It was enough to share the secret writing love affair with her ChooseWell. While unsure of the right or wrong of it, in her mind and heart she was still the faithful wife of Her King. She had done nothing physically to violate this fact. And, because Her King was a good man, she intended for it to remain a fact.
Sybella knew Her King needed her and loved her in the way he knew how. And, she was finally at peace with the idea that at least until the little feet of the princess and the prince had become able adults she would remain the faithful wife of Her King. He seemed happy with her, depended on her and would never survive the duty's of parenting the little feet without her.
She knew that while he was not able to ever give her the love or touch she had with ChooseWell, that at least she had the words from the one who did know how to love her. She would do her best to be happy with this double-life sort of thing. Her King with the responsibility of the day in and out of life...Her ChooseWell there with the words that gave chill to her neck for the sensitivity of understanding her like no other ever had or will.
For what she needed most was not simply the passion of lust but, much deeper then that. It had been born of friendship in the first place and grew with the passion of words they wrote together and the poetry of life they each seemed to see with the same eye and heart. Sybella had even been with him in the first place because of his passion for words and those words he had whispered in her ear during his rescue of her from the hands of the EvilOne.
What Sybella had not expected on this day was to hear the words of Her King. The man whom had said few during their 9 years together. The man who showed his love with gifts and money rather then attention and passion. Sybella had never in all of these weeks, or even the years they had shared detected that Her Kind had ever in anyway been displeased with her.
Had he sensed that she was carried away with thoughts of love and need for intimacy before he dropped boom on her? Had he noticed a change in her tone or attitude since she had made contact with ChooseWell? It was difficult to conclude by the words Her King offered tonight. Words spoken in loud voice with anger. Words she had never even suspected would be spoken to her and in such a way.
It did not seem possible he was feeling threat from an outsider. And, in thinking about the angry words spoken it was clear the matter had nothing to do with the relationship she shared with Her King and everything to to with Her as a Mother. He had waited months to address the root of his anger but, when he did so it was with violent air and hard voice the very things Sybella can face least.
The one thing Sybella had always made clear was that anger and loud voice were cause for her to run away as fast as possible. She had lived with these things in her childhood and even more with the EvilOne who held her captive for nearly 15 years. Even while courting when once Her King had raised voice in anger at some other person--Sybella ran from him fast as just the sound of it sends her to panic.
Why would Her King keep a criticism secret from her so long it boiled to hot words and was delivered with the shrill sound of the tea kettle whistle? Why would he have hidden his opinion of her as a mother for so long that he boiled without cause?
And, was continuing to walk in Thisworld and love in another even made possible because Her King had lacked passion for her. Did his lack of care for her make his heart ground for tilling judgement and scoring even for a problem he kept to himself?
Sybella, again found herself flooded with emotion and hurt. Had Her King respected her so little that he would not have spoken of his concerns for months and years only to stab her with it the moment there was something in the air happy with her? Why was this brought to her attention so late in the work of parenting the little feet? If he had cared and loved them all, would he have not wanted to address these concerns when they took place--rather then spend months and years keeping a tally of her failures?