May 31, 2009

Watching and Listening

Sybella has spent the last several weeks seeing in a new way. Not rushing to decisions but, rather watching and listening from a new understanding. She should play poker with the skills she has to hold a straight face. It's in her general nature to let her feelings be seen and known by the expression on her face, and her body language. But, when the game is on she is amazed how she finds herself able to play with skill needed and hold a perfect poker-face.

Unless, it has nothing to do with holding the straight-face? Sybella, often wonders if it is not her skill but rather a fact that some people simply don't see or notice what she does show in the first place?

It would make sense that someone unable to see her in life, could be completely fooled during the game.

During the past several weeks Sybella held her straight face while keeping her eyes wide open, and her ears in tune with the reality of life being lived inside the castle walls. She backed-off, stepped out and allowed Her King to take charge of leading the tone. And, after his words about her as a mother she let him be the one to command authority with the Little Feet.

What she saw and heard during the past several weeks, watching and listening to Her King and her observations of his "better" way of authority with Little Feet was enlightening.

His "better" way of raising the Little Feet seemed empty and sterile at first. His approach to ignore any opportunity to nurture, or even talk to the Little Feet was the first moment Sybella felt anger about the words she had heard said to her from Her King. That he would consider the very fact that she spent time with the Little Feet and talked about the lessons of life they learned as they walked was seen as wrong in his eyes. Yet, to her heart she saw that he would want to raise the Little Feet with the same lack of passion she felt he had given her for all of these years.

What Sybella saw and heard from Her King was that his goals were the ones which mattered most. And, that his authority only started with anything that interfered with his goal of the moment. In most moments that being silence and order. When silence and order was broken, he stepped in with his authority and over the past several weeks Sybella can now understand why Her King would think the way he does of her.

During the past several weeks Sybella had been quiet, watching and listening, and keeping a straight face about the fact absent any real passion for life within the castle she had been feeling her own outside the castle. She learned that she did not like the way Her King wanted life to be inside the castle and that she was sure she could not live the life inside the castle forever in silence with order--unless, her spirit died too.

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